Miifox's food receipies

Food

Also called: meal, insert staple grain here...

Cut 1 onion into snippets.
Best way to cut it is down through the middle, then slice it horizontally in 3 to 4 slices per half, then vertically in a grid.
You can use red onion but frankly your wasting your money, get a regular one it's fiiiine.

Take your pan, and add a fair layer of oil.
I recommend teflon pans, if possible a wok pan. Yes you will get cancer but I'd rather have cancer and throw away a good pan earlier, than spend the rest of my life scraping the pan of sisyphus trying to get the seasoning off...
Do be greedy on the oil, it will make your shit taste better and it will prevent stickiness.
I recommend olive oil, specifically the cheapest shit they have. That's not olive oil actually (there is a whole oil maffia) but unless you have a peanut allergy or have very specific cooking needs it'll serve you well.
You can also use butter but don't ask me the instructions on that, I've never worked with that honestly.

Turn on the heat, add the onion to the pan, and stirr a bit.
If your into meat, add that to the pan too, like now. Add salt and pepper, a fair sniff should be sufficient.

Take out a second pan, this time a steel pan. Fill it with water, add salt, and turn the heat on.

Cut 1 bell pepper. I recommend slicing in half along the length, removing the seeds, stirr your pan, and then cut it vertically in a grid. Add it to the teflon pan.

Once the second pan is boiling, add your meal. I use pearl barley if that's available and cheap, else some form of pasta is okie too. For dose, try to put a penis thickness worth of pasta in, or enough grain to fill a cup.

Dice a tomato. No I do not know the right way to dice these bitches either, if i remember to remove the core that's a good sign of my mental health tho. If they have tomato in cans that's superb, but like that's not always cheap.

Before adding the tomato to the teflon pan, first take out one of those little tomato concentrate pots and add it to the mix. Believe me, they will change your life. Lower the temps, add the tomatoes, and lower the temps some more.
The other pan should be boiling again by now, if it isn't raise the temperature and lower the temps on the teflon pan some more. Do say to your roommate the meal is gonna take a little longer.

You can tell the grains or pasta are ready when they have swollen, by quite a lot. Of course, the best way to test it is to take a spoon and take a bite. If you finish the pan at this point, that's called a skill issue.

Put staple meal in sieve, then yeet it into staple sauce. Still in pan, stirr it a fair bit, trying to get the sauce all around the meal.

Yoink it into dish then eat your depression meal.

This meal has kept me nice and healthy for over a decade, so it should be fine for you too.

Room for variation includes the grain or pasta used, eventual extra veggies, or even a form of meat if that's affordable where you live.

Bread

I have a bread machine. It does the work for me.
Here is what I throw in it:

• About 150ml of water. More is betterder.
• A good bit of olive oil. Again, the cheaper the better.
• A good sniff of salt.
• A spoonfull of white sugar.
• 150 grammes of the cheapest flour you can get. It is probably marketed in stores that white karens would scuff about, but that shit do be good and cheap.
• Yeast. My shop's dried yeast packets are unusually good, so not even half a bag is more than enough; results may vary.
• And another 150 grammes of flour to top it all off.
• I usually will leave it overnight, or I'll prepare it in the morning on weekends. Good shit.

• Replace the sugar with 70 whole grammes of honey
• Put the machine in french bread mode (as in, what the americans call french bread. Not what the europeans think of french bread. Tho the actual french weren't asked, they'd probably vote for brioche, judging by my tefal's book). Turn it on with these ingredients, then wait for the second beep (after it's mostly done kneeding).
• Add in about half a tablespoon of almonds now. Close it up, and go dream sweet dreams about sweet bread.
• For bonus points: Add a slice of your best cheese on a slice of your best bread once it's done.

Drink

A good soda receipy I got from some finnish girl. Use at your own risk!

Take a large pan, fill it with water, and bring it to boil.
The amount of water you added should be enough to fill your soda bottles halfway through.

Add 300-350 grammes of white sugar to the boiling water, for 5 liters of water. Scale down as nessesairy.
Then add the same amount as brown sugar, to the same pan. Stirr well.

Add fruits to taste. Think of strawberries (if that's anywhere near affordable where you live), cramberrys, apples....

Add the juice of 2 lemons, then leave it to boil for a bit.
In the mean time fill the soda bottles with the other half of water, this time cold.

Add the hot water, careful to not burn your hands. The temperature after mixing should be around 120 degrees fahrenheit, or 50 degrees celcius; maximum.
If it is any hotter than this then wait, we don't wanna boil the yeast.

Put the bottles in a save place, then top them off with a sachet of dried yeast (or a pea size lump of yeast if your yeast actually speaks finnish).

Leave the bottles open for the night, with a cloth on top of it to ward off any fruit flies.
After coming back to it next morning, add some raisins; the yeast should start reacting fairly strongly to the fresh raisins.

Close it off, and leave it for 3 to 5 days. The raisins should start to float after a while.

Once ready put it in the fridge, and don't forget to seive it before serving.
The drink looks very ugly, but it's taste is very good!

Trivia: It's a drink for the millitant worker; because it's traditionally made for the 1st of may. I love the finnish and their weird foods :-D
This drink does not keep well so drink it within' a few days. And don't drink the very bottom bit, cause that's full of dead yeast.